First I Had To Convince Myself

When I first made the call to Ernest Herndon asking his advice on the project. I halfway expected some answer that would convince me to forget this.

I didn't get it.

What I got was an enthusiastic supporter with plenty of ideas of his own. I received the same response from Patty Dunn and Ian McDonald at the Mississippi Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. I have received the same response from everyone I have spoken with. So, it looks like this is happening. And for that, I am grateful.

In the first post to this blog, I want to go back and take a look at my initial hashing. I find it helpful to write "stream of concsciousness" and then go back and edit. My apologies if I missed something.


January 24, 2010

I love to think and ponder far more than I love to write. From time to time, when my mind is quiet enough to conclude it, I come to the realization that it is of no use to anyone—especially myself—that I won’t bring myself to write down my thoughts. I mean, it’s an undeniable fact that I have no real mental capacity to retain much information. It stands to reason the only way really to hang on to my thoughts is to commit them to paper, or database. Whatever the medium, I need to get it down.

I tried this journaling thing before. It worked well to help me commit things to memory. Amazing how simply writing something down will do that. Writing has a tendency to make me think on a deeper level, too. Maybe, subconsciously, that scares me. Because thinking it is one thing, writing it another. But, sharing it?

Sometimes ignorance is bliss. However, to me that is not the case when it comes to this. I want to commit to this, and when my mind is quiet enough to bring me back to finally deciding to do it, I know it is a good idea.

It may especially be a good idea now as I seem to have finally wrapped my brain around the idea of the Alzheimer’s Paddling Project. I’ll need to loosen the grip my own shortcomings have on me to make that project work. The idea is to work with the Alzheimer’s Association to raise money through all of my kayaking over the next year. It works on so many levels. It gives me so many positive things to promote; first of all Alzheimer’s awareness and the need to fight the disease. Secondly, the life lessons I learned from Mamaw. Her suffering with Alzheimer’s began for me the realization that it was a genetic condition that I would likely one day face. I want—I need to face it now, in this way, on my terms. Many of my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins have dealt with it or are currently dealing with it. Thirdly, as I have paddled more over the course of the past 6 months I now know the wealth of paddling opportunities that abound in Mississippi and the surrounding states. This could be good to promote the health and continued vitality of those waterways, and the incredible towns and historic sites that are found along the way. In just a short time, Sharon and I have seen so much. It boggles my mind to think what else could come of it.

What has helped me to finally make the leap has been that Sha is now on board as an adviser and more importantly paddling companion. She worried that somehow I would ruin our new found hobby by turning into a venture, as opposed to an adventure. I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done it without her support.

So, tomorrow I will again make the calls that I initially planned to make four weeks ago. Ernest Herndon, canoe enthusiast and author of a great many books on paddling in Mississippi (I’m still not sure I’ve seen them all). The Alzheimer’s Association, of course, whose Director and Project Development Director thought this was a great idea from the start. They think we can get corporate sponsors to help in the effort. Ian McDonald, development director, mentioned Bass Pro and Academy Sports. I think maybe I can get Primos involved and who knows who else we can add to the list. We’ll see how that comes together after the first meeting. Scott Williams, outdoor writer, kayak builder, and experimental survivalist who has paddled the Gulf Coast and— the idea of it still amazes me—from the Florid Keys to the Virgin Islands . . . amazing! Mississippi Public Broadcasting, who I hope I can sell the idea to as a way to promote the fundraising for Alzheimer’s, but also to highlight the special places it will take me. Malcolm White, the director of the Mississippi Arts Commission, who paddled the Pearl River from Edinburgh to I-don’t-know-where to raise money for I-don’t-remember-what 10 years ago.

Of course, there will need to be a website and a blog which brings me back to my original thinking when I began writing this. I’ve got to keep writing. I can’t get intellectually lazy. This will be fun to be sure. But, it also requires commitment to make it happen the way it needs to happen in order to get the job done. I can’t keep the experience bottled up in my head where it will likely disappear. One day at a time.

So, Onward and Upward!

January 26, 2010

I’m at home with Rickey this morning. The stomach virus made a comeback and got him again last night. The poor boy is never going to make up his school work at this rate. But, he acts a little more bright-eyed than he was earlier this morning and that’s a good sign. Sharon has to speak at a luncheon today, so the duty to be home with Rickey falls to me today. Maybe it’s all for the best as I have been fighting dizziness for the past two days anyway. I’m still not back to a hundred percent. I don’t think I realized that until yesterday at work when I had a few bouts with vertigo.

I’ve been thinking a lot more about the spiritual aspects of my decision to dedicate the next year to the Alzheimer’s Paddling Project. Oswald Chambers, my favorite devotion writer, simply says it is up to us to “work out what God works in”. This has been a basic tenant of my personal Faith for many years now. In short, what it means to me is that we all are given a piece to a greater puzzle that we know nothing about, in fact, can’t even fathom its depths and complexity.

If God allows us to all have only a piece of the puzzle, then life, His Life, can only open up to us over time. Answers can only be provided to us when we keep our hearts open to hear and except them for the truth that they are. You can’t spin Reality. It simply is. And what appears to be is that God is working the circumstances into my life to do this project. I am attempting to work out the details. It could all change tomorrow, and if my Faith is what I hope it is, I will be prepared to make that change. If led, I should follow. I want this project to be not only an exercise in fundraising and awareness, but an exercise in Faith.

I was thinking yesterday on the drive home from the office about the similarities between art and nature, and why when I am paddling out to Deer Island or down the Chunky River or simply sitting on a deer stand watching the sun rise it feels as if I am surrounded by something so much greater and more important than me. My question to myself was: Why do I draw inspiration and strength from it?

This is what I came up with.

All of us are built to draw inspiration from something aren’t we? Something that is simple in its complexity? In a story, a writer must bring together the complexities of the characters, their likes and dislikes, their circumstances in life. Those complexities are pitted against, run in contrast to, and parallel those in the other characters, and all with the backdrop of some potential problem to solve or conundrum to understand. Then there is the setting, or place in which the story takes place and how it affects the characters, the problems they face and the give and take of how it is concluded, or whether it ever concludes. Also, the addition of metaphor is an important addition—it’s no wonder people get caught up in and inspired by a good book or movie.

The same can be said of visual art in its many complexities, and of course, my favorite: music. To me there is nothing more spiritual or more inspirational than music. The different instruments, notes, and sounds, topped off with thought provoking lyrics is the ultimate in manmade expression. But, add to that the thing that can’t be seen or understood through intellectual interpretation of facts; the melody that draws out of us an emotion that is unexplainable. To me music is faith. You can’t explain. You just have to believe in what it is saying to you.

But all of these manmade expressions are but pieces of a puzzle, pieces that contribute but can’t stand alone as the final solution to understanding. None can come close to the level of complexity found in nature. None can come close to the level of symbiosis that makes the final work, with untold numbers of parts, come together and work to such a fine degree that it seems simple. Nature does this. Nature has the ingredients of all of mans best expressions and more. The rock strewn babbling turn in the river ahead, the wind blowing the fragile leaves of a birch tree holding on for dear life, the cypress tree gnarled from some untold high-drama battle with a thunderstorm, the deer swimming across downstream on some never to be explained journey, the colors of the sun setting and the reflections of everything the light touches, and even the shadows from where the light has already passed. The seasons, of course, affect the colors, the sounds and the story. There are the scents, the breath of the heat, and the bite of the cold.

Then, there’s us.

The history of man to tame and use nature is of course part of the story, part of the painting, part of the song. But, it is less because of man’s ability to make changes and more because of the persistence of nature to change us. Even when dramatic manmade changes have occurred, nature has not given in. She has forced us to compromise, and as a result has had a profound effect on our culture and our history. Nature has elements of faith, too. We have to pray for understanding, because no matter what we think we really have no control.

How we fit into the awesome complexity of the natural world is yet another ingredient that makes the finished product worth our while, that is if we quiet our mind and truly experience it. Only then can we be molded by the greatest of Artists to be notes in the most beautiful symphony, characters in the most beautiful story, and get a front row seat to view the most beautiful painting ever produced.

Individually we only hold a small piece of the puzzle. So, interpreting nature requires God, and it requires Faith, because the power can never be fully understood.

How I pass this one of my simple truths along to others through this project is of great importance to me. And first I must figure a way to explain it to the others during our upcoming meeting. In the end, I may just have to read this to them.